For after years of living in a cage

“For after years of living in a cage, a lion no longer even believes it is a lion… and a man no longer believes he is a man.”

— John Eldredge, Wild at Heart

I guess this sums up how I feel at the moment. I read this book and something inside me just cries out to be wild. I remember when I used to go to the woods and climb trees, explore, have stick fights, build camps, swing on rope swings, burn things, jump over streams and the list goes on. I guess I just grew up and society tells us that we’re too old for playing in the woods — we should do something useful with our time. We put ourselves in a cage and then later wonder why we feel so depressed, like we’re going nowhere and so unsure of ourselves. I need Adventure and Risk! I can’t keep sitting here wasting my time and regretting it when the day is over. What have I achieved today? I went to the prayer meeting this morning and sure it was good, a great start, but that really is all I’ve done — the rest of the day was just a waste of time.

God has been revealing a lot of stuff to me recently and it’s all pretty deep stuff that I need to do but why can’t I do it? I play computer games because I’m lonely here and there is no one around. What else is there to do though? How do I fill the gap in my life that gaming will leave? What will I do? I know the answer to these questions is God. Spend time with him and let him fill that hole in my life… but that’s a lot of time to spend with God, I’m sure the more time the better but… Man I dunno.

I want to make this work God, I can’t keep going backwards… Help me get it right God, or at least help me do it better.

Wild times in Canada.